How to Work with Toddler 

Emotional Impact on Adults
Tantrums often trigger strong emotional responses in adults, especially parents, who may have their own unresolved feelings about expressing anger or distress. The session highlights the importance of addressing these adult emotions to better support children. 

Therapist’s Role and Expectations
Therapists are often expected to "fix" tantrums quickly, but the reality is more complex. The focus should be on managing expectations and supporting parents in understanding the underlying causes of tantrums. 

Tantrums as Expressions of Birth Trauma
Tantrums are framed as expressions of unresolved birth trauma, where children regress to a state of helplessness and distress similar to their birth experience. This perspective helps parents and therapists approach tantrums with empathy and insight. 

The Birth Process and Physical Trauma
The physical trauma of birth, such as the pressure on the baby’s skull and facial bones during delivery, can leave lasting imprints. These physical experiences may resurface during tantrums, manifesting as intense emotional and physical reactions.

Tantrums as Communication
Tantrums are a form of communication, where children express unresolved pain and fear from their birth experience. Recognising this can transform how adults respond, fostering connection rather than conflict. 

The Role of Boundaries
Setting boundaries can trigger tantrums because they symbolise the "no" that children experienced during birth. Understanding this helps parents respond with compassion rather than frustration. 

Parental Self-Regulation
Parents’ ability to stay calm and self-regulated during a tantrum is crucial. This presence allows children to process their emotions safely and move through the tantrum more effectively. 

The Healing Opportunity of Tantrums
Tantrums are opportunities for healing, where children can release and process unresolved trauma. Parents and therapists can facilitate this by creating a safe, supportive environment. 

Internal vs. External Triggers
Tantrums can be triggered internally (by the child’s own psyche) or externally (by a parent’s "no"). Both types of triggers activate unresolved implicit memories from birth or early life. 

The Importance of Witnessing
Witnessing a child’s tantrum without intervening immediately allows the child to fully express and release their emotions. This process is essential for healing and reduces the frequency of future tantrums.

The "Floppy Puppy" Phase
After a tantrum, children often enter a relaxed, "floppy puppy" state, where they feel safe and connected. This phase is a sign of emotional release and healing, and it strengthens the bond between parent and child. 

Long-Term Benefits
Understanding and addressing tantrums as expressions of unresolved trauma leads to fewer tantrums over time. It also builds a stronger, more trusting relationship between parent and child.